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Stop Looking to Others to Create a Life of Joy
by Renee Linnell,
Author of The Burn Zone: A Memoir
Originally published on Psych Central
I believe there is not enough dialogue out there about soul-sickness, especially among wealthy communities. We are taught to believe from a young age that once we have the perfect partner, house, car, children, and careers, we will be happy. And often times this is not the case; the happiness does not come. There is an insatiable need for more. Because there is no dialogue about this, most people think, I am the only one, something is wrong with me, or no one understands me. This leads to deep despair and usually a diagnosis of depression and medication.
I ruined my life searching for peace. I pushed away everyone and everything I loved. I allowed myself to be emotionally, psychologically, and sexually abused. I allowed myself to be brainwashed in seemingly unhealable ways. And what I finally discovered, after all of my searching, is that the peace and happiness for which I had been searching was inside of me all along. But, and this is a big but, I had to be shattered by life to find it. I had to be shattered to finally stop living a life that was not mine. I had to be shattered to finally decide that following my own heart and being true to myself and creating a life that brought me joy was more important than living a life to please other people. I had to be shattered to start questioning what the hell I had been doing and why the hell I had been doing it and to what point.
Why do we feel the need to say, “to death do us part” and bind ourselves to another person? Why do we ignore the intense fear that comes with this decision? How can we even know that this will be in our best interest or the other person’s for the rest of our lives? Many of us do it because everyone else does. Why do we forgo choosing work that we are born to do, work we are naturally skilled at doing, work we love, work that makes our hearts sing and instead choose a career we hate because it pays more? We do this because we are told to do it by our parents or our teachers, and because everyone else does. Why do we dress the way we dress and worship the way we worship and pick romantic partners the way we do? So often it is because we were told to do it this way, or because everyone else does. Often we don’t question any of this. I know I didn’t.
I believe the only way to true joy, to true bliss, to true freedom, is to begin the work of uncovering our real selves—to chip away at the parts of us that are false, the façade we created to please our families, the mask we built so the world would approve of us. Only when we are willing to stand tall in our own uniqueness, with our own idiosyncrasies, will we be able to do the work we came to do, to build the life we always dreamed of, to excel beyond our wildest dreams, and to live in true joy and abundance. When we finally tap into what we naturally are, we discover we already have the exact right skill set to become everything we have always secretly wanted to be.
We are all flawed, we are all damaged, and we are all beautiful. Each one of us is unique; there is no carbon copy. So how can we possibly follow what others are doing? How can what they are doing be right for us? We were born to blaze our own trails. We were all born with unique abilities and skill sets, with unique damage and unique wounds. I believe we are meant to use this combo to discover who we truly are and why we are truly here. Our wounds are not a mistake, they are given to us for a reason, they are Divine. In the healing of them we soften and we open, and we learn how to help others overcome similar damage. In our speaking about them and our owning of them, we encourage others to do the same and as more and more of us speak our Truth, we all eventually realize we are not alone. We have never been alone. We are surrounded by each other, our brother and sister humans, and we are here to support each other on this crazy amazing Earth Walk.
Yes, the decision to live this way is terrifying; but once we decide to do it, we feel the life force energy coursing through us again, we feel the blood pumping through our veins, we rediscover passion and the thrill of not knowing what tomorrow will bring. We are here for such a very short time; I simply cannot believe we were meant to spend that time in loveless relationships stressed about paying bills.
In my journey to wholeness I discovered that me just being me, dressing the way I want to dress, saying the things I want to say, doing the activities I love to do, putting myself first and making sure I am taken care of before I take care of others—living this way brought me so much joy that I began to radiate joy and light and love and kindness. I discovered a joyful me was a radiating me. A joyful me was a kind me. A joyful me was a patient and compassionate and forgiving me. After destroying myself and my life and all that I loved in order to become Enlightened, in order to become Saint-like, I finally realized that the key to my becoming Saint-like was just being me. When we create a life of joy we stop worrying about what others are doing or not doing. We stop pushing against. And instead we begin loving. And we add our light to the sum of light; we shift the consciousness of the planet from fear to love. What better use of our time here on earth than that?
About the Author:
Renee Linnell is the author of The Burn Zone: A Memoir (She Writes Press; October 2018). She is a serial entrepreneur who has founded and cofounded five companies and has an Executive Masters in Business Administration from New York University. Currently she is working on starting a publishing company to give people from diverse walks of life an opportunity to tell their stories. She divides her time between Colorado and Southern California. For more information, please visit https://reneelinnell.com and follow Renee on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
From the author of Let’s Get Digital and Let’s Get Visible, this book will change how you think about marketing. Strangers to Superfans puts you in the shoes of your Ideal Readers, and forces you to view your marketing from their perspective.
*Learn the five stages in the Readers’ Journey.
*Identify where your blockages are and how to fix them.
*Optimize each stage to increase conversion.
*Boost sales by making the process more frictionless.
*Build an army of passionate readers who do the selling for you.
It’s not enough to know who your Ideal Readers are, you also need to imagine how they feel when a recommendation email arrives containing your cover. You must figure out why they hesitated before clicking the Buy button. And it’s crucial to determine why they liked your book enough to finish it… but not sufficiently to recommend it to their friends.
The Reader Journey is a new marketing paradigm that maps out the journey your Ideal Readers take in their transformation from strangers to superfans.
Penny believes she’s being watched. Yet no one should know where she lives.
Penny seizes the chance of a new life for her family when her husband is offered a job in Europe.
At the airport they meet charming Sophie, fluent in French and looking for work as an au pair. Penny, struggling to cope in France, offers Sophie a job and she soon becomes an important part of the family’s life. But Sophie is hiding something.
Then Penny’s toddler son, Ethan, is abducted and an international hunt for the child begins. The police beg Penny and her husband to take part in a television appeal but the couple refuse. Unknown to the police, Penny and Seth have new identities and are determined to lay low and protect them. But it may be too late for that.
Who has taken Ethan and why?
Are the couple’s true identities linked to the abduction?
And who has been watching them?
To save her son Penny may have to put her own life on the line
Yes. I decided to rate blurbs, why not?
This book sounds very interesting. It sounds shrouded in mystery, suspense and secrets. That sounds like a recipe for a good book! You have a family with a hidden past, hidden identities, in the midst of troubling circumstances leading to an uncertain future. I”m hooked.
First impressions are everything, right? I love where this story begins. A couple with an unspoken past that required witness protection involving the FBI. They went as far as getting new identities, so you now its gotta be pretty bad. So it makes you wonder. What happened to them? But that wasn’t even the first impression.
Penny, seems paranoid about someone watching her at every turn. Why is she paranoid? Who is watching her, and why?
Then they meet Sophie at the airport on the way to France. Right away I’m thinking who is the “Sophie” character. She’s already on my radar for a shady person.
This was a great lead in for the first chapter!
On still nights, when the curve of a winter moon is smudged in the flow of the River Quaggy, the dead clamor for him. And sometimes he coaxes the living to join them. To other people, his victims might be mere medical oddities. To him, they are fascinating specimens, worthy of display. Above all, he is a collector, eager for recognition even as he hides in the shadows.
Detective Sergeant Etta Fitzroy is the first to recognize the connection between the disappearance of a young girl and a cold case that almost cost her the career she’s sacrificed so much for. A faceless psychopath is walking the streets of London, tantalizing the authorities with clues, taunting them with his ability to spirit his victims out from under their very noses.
Better than anyone, Etta Fitzroy understands loss. But this is one contest she will win if it kills her . . .
Now that’s how you do a blurb! The first section poetically reveals the mysterious antagonist lurking in the shadows. By reading it you can sense his uniqueness, M.O., and ambition for recognition. Excellent.
Every serial killer requires a hard nose detective, and that sounds like Detective Sergeant Etta Fitzroy. I like the fact that this has a female lead. intriguing indeed.
The first chapter was juicy! Fiona Cummins is quite poetic in her delivery and has a great command of the language. Her sentences flow nicely leaving you wanting more. I loved the use of metaphors to reflect the nature of the predicament of the family. A lot is revealed in such a short chapter.
The stunning new novel from Clare Mackintosh, the international bestselling author of I Let You Go and I See You.
The police say it was suicide.
Anna says it was murder.
They’re both wrong.
Last year, Tom and Caroline Johnson chose to end their lives, one seemingly unable to live without the other. Their daughter, Anna, is struggling to come to terms with her parents’ deaths, unwilling to accept the verdict of suicide.
Now with a baby herself, Anna feels her mother’s absence keenly and is determined to find out what really happened to her parents. But as she digs up the past, someone is trying to stop her.
Sometimes it’s safer to let things lie….
I’m totally loving this blurb!
The police say it was suicide.
Anna says it was murder.
They’re both wrong.
How can you not love that? Isn’t it striking?
Need I say more? Even in the blurb, nothing is as it seems. You can tell this is extremely suspenseful. Can’t wait to read this one.
Very fascinating first chapter! I love how she begins this book. A person flirting with death, or decision that might lead to it at the slightest misstep. The person speaking then turns their attention to their loved one, conversing back and forth in romantic tones. Who will die first? It doesn’t say who is speaking but we can infer it’s Anna’s parents based upon the blurb. Tom and Caroline Johnson. Impressive beginning.
“Rip-roaring legal thriller…Twisty, bloody, and convincing.” —Ian Rankin
An innocent client. A wife in jeopardy. Who will take The Plea?
When billionaire David Child is arrested for the murder of his girlfriend, Clara, the FBI believes they can get him to testify and take down a huge money laundering scheme.
Con-artist-turned-lawyer Eddie Flynn is given the job: persuade David to plead guilty and give the agents the evidence they need. If Eddie can’t get David to take a plea bargain, the FBI has incriminating files on Eddie’s wife – and will send her to jail. But David swears he didn’t murder anyone.
The evidence overwhelmingly shows that David killed Clara: the security video showed no one else entering their apartment, the murder weapon was in his car, and he was covered in gunshot residue he can’t explain. Yet as the FBI pressures Eddie to secure the guilty plea, Eddie becomes increasingly convinced that David is telling the truth.
With adversaries threatening, Eddie has to find a way to prove David’s innocence and find out if there’s any way he might have been framed. But the stakes are high: Eddie’s wife is in danger. And not just from the FBI…
The Plea is a locked room mystery from Steve Cavanagh, the author Nelson DeMille compares to John Grisham, Scott Turow, and Brad Meltzer.
“The Plea is one of the most purely entertaining books you’ll read this year. It’s a blast.”
—John Connolly, bestselling author of the Charlie Parker novels
From reading the blurb you can tell the plot is rich in detail, dilemma and complexity. I think I was hooked even half way through. It’s a winner. Steve Cavanagh is one of the new authors I’ve found that I can’t wait to read!
Even the first sentence is packed with intrigue, and it’s only the prologue! This is going to be a gritty legal thriller full of conflict, tension and moral dilemmas. Juicy, juicy, juicy. Hooked! Definitely recommend this one. I only read the prologue and was so excited had to stop and write something.
Ruth Jones is the Director of Business Development at Ingram Content Group and is currently working on developing Aer.io.
An introduction to Aer.io and why authors should know about it Selling books direct from your site using Ingram’s catalogue and http://www.Aer.io
ABOUT LESLIE TENTLER
Leslie Tentler is the author of six novels, including BEFORE THE STORM, LOW TIDE, FALLEN and the Chasing Evil Trilogy (MIDNIGHT CALLER, MIDNIGHT FEAR and EDGE OF MIDNIGHT). She was a finalist for Best First Novel at ThrillerFest 2012, and is a two-time finalist for the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mystery and Suspense. She is also the recipient of the prestigious Maggie Award of Excellence. A native of East Tennessee, she currently resides in Atlanta with her husband, standard poodle and three aloof cats.
Tell us about Rarity Cove and what bearings it has on the story.
Setting is such an important piece of any story. It sets the atmosphere and builds the mood. I first introduced readers to Rarity Cove in Before the Storm (Rarity Cove Book One). It’s a fictional seaside town about forty minutes outside of Charleston, South Carolina. It’s a small tourist town and quite idyllic, with a quaint downtown with centuries old live oaks in the square and the ocean boardwalk nearby. Rarity Cove is best known for the St. Clair, which is a four-star resort hotel that has been run by the St. Clair family for generations.
What’s the St. Clair family like?
I strongly recommend reading Before the Storm before moving on to Low Tide (Rarity Cove Book Two) in order to truly get to know the St. Clair family and especially to understand the dynamics between Mark, the eldest St. Clair sibling and the hero in book one, and Carter, the younger brother who is the hero in book two.
The St. Clair family is considered to be “old money” in the small Southern town, and Mark, who is head of the St. Clair hotel, is a business and civic leader. In book one, Carter is sort of the prodigal son who has returned to Rarity Cove while on hiatus from the soap opera he stars on in New York City. He and Mark have a bit of a contentious relationship, and the reason as to why is revealed in Before the Storm.
In Before the Storm, you’ll also be introduced to Mercer, the youngest St. Clair sibling and only daughter, and Olivia, the family matriarch, who is a socialite and a bit of a meddler in her family’s personal lives. You’ll visit all these characters again in Low Tide.
Who is Carter St. Clair?
When you first meet Carter in Before the Storm, he is an actor on a soap opera in New York City, still on the cusp of superstardom. At the end of that book, his career has taken off in a big way, and you’re just beginning to get a glimpse of his trajectory to fame.
Low Tide begins three years later, and Carter is now an A-list Hollywood leading man, very much in demand. But then the unexpected happens. Seriously wounded in his LA mansion by a deranged stalker, he leaves the glare of Hollywood and returns home to Rarity Cove to recuperate, both physically and emotionally.
A few readers mentioned to me they initially had qualms about reading Carter’s story in Low Tide, since he was a bit of an antagonist to Mark in Before the Storm, at least until the two brothers finally buried the hatchet over something that had happened years earlier. But those same readers have told me how much they ended up loving Carter in book two. Carter has matured quite a bit and the nearly fatal stalker attack in particular has forced him to really take a hard look at his life and the kind of man he wants to be.
Introduce us to Quinn Reese.
Quinn Reese is a physical therapist who has returned to her mother’s home in Rarity Cove after fleeing her soon-to- be ex-husband, a professional football player in San Francisco. Currently out of work, she receives a lucrative offer from the St. Clair family to work with Carter. But Quinn has her own personal history with the St. Clairs, and with Carter in particular. Mark talks her into working with Carter since he has been resistant to other physical therapists so far. Mark believes Quinn won’t be intimidated by Carter’s fame, since she was married to someone famous herself. Quinn is reluctant, but needs the money to truly get a fresh start on life.
I really enjoyed writing Quinn—she’s smart, good at her job, and empathetic. She’s also a vegetarian, a dog lover and a yoga enthusiast. But while she seems like she has it all together on the outside, on the inside, she’s kind of a mess and keeping some pretty big secrets that spill out over the course of Low Tide.
What was your experience like writing Low Tide?
Low Tide was my first foray into writing a continuing series. Both Before the Storm and Low Tide are also my only books that aren’t high-stakes, law enforcement oriented thrillers. I enjoyed revisiting the characters I’d created in Before the Storm in Low Tide.
Who is your favorite character?
With this series, it really is Carter. I had a lot of fun making him a bad boy in Before the Storm, and then knocking him off his throne in Low Tide. At the beginning of Low Tide, Carter is in pain, he’s depressed and he’s really struggling with the “new normal” in his life after being so seriously wounded. Until Quinn’s arrival, he’d lashed out against physical therapy, but Quinn isn’t having any of his attitude. At the point that Carter realizes he’s falling for Quinn, he really has made a 180-degree turn from the man he used to be. Carter has been a “ladies man” his whole life—his looks, the St. Clair money and later, his fame—always allowed him to have his choice of women. Having him realize that ordinary Quinn is actually someone quite special, someone he wants to protect and cherish, was fulfilling for me as a writer.
If you could be any character in this book who would it be?
Quinn, definitely. Who wouldn’t want to be the heroine in her own book? 😉
LOW TIDE (Rarity Cove Book Two) BACK COVER BLURB
Hollywood leading man Carter St. Clair had it all—until a brutal stalker attack nearly takes his life. Seriously injured, he returns to his hometown of Rarity Cove, South Carolina, to recover in private, his outlook on fame forever changed by someone claiming to be his “number-one fan.”
Physical therapist Quinn Reese fled San Francisco to be free of her soon-to- be ex-husband, professional football player Jake Medero. Staying at her mother’s house in Rarity Cove seems like her only option until she can get back on her feet financially. When the St. Clair family makes her a lucrative offer of employment, Quinn sees the potential for starting over, even if it means working with Carter, who broke her heart years ago. As Carter heals under Quinn’s care, a fragile bond forms between them. Carter also recognizes a parallel between his own stalker and the possessive pro baller who considers Quinn his property. But even as Carter steps into the role of Quinn’s protector, another dangerous storm is brewing…one for which neither of them is prepared.
LOW TIDE is the second book in the Rarity Cove series, so we recommend reading
BEFORE THE STORM first. Low Tide is available at the following retailers:
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